When you’re someone who enjoys any kind of creation, you understand the meaning behind showing your work. You also have a grasp on this unresolved, complex question of whether you will be all right without visibility.
Nowadays, I feel like this dilemma isn’t only applicable to our creations but every aspect of our lives. We share our grand life events, our everyday tasks, hobbies, the sports we do, our achievements and even our food and drink with the world. But does having the means to share equal to a necessity as well?
There are so many of us, quiet ones, who will try now and again to keep up with this loud and chaotic platform where every connection happens and attempt to be louder. I don’t necessarily talk about social media here. That loud platform may be a family event, the street or a store. Wherever we are, whatever we do, all eyes turn to the noise, the loud bangs. This is natural, yet we can’t seem to fit in with this ruleset where the loud bangs are created intentionally.
As an introvert, I don’t feel comfortable voicing my opinion over someone else’s. I much prefer being asked. As an empath, I don’t feel comfortable overachieving visually. I much prefer doing so in the background, where no one has to be disregarded or raced over for my benefit. This is not the kind of discomfort one should go against. This is the kind which turns into resentment once played with too much.
So, for people like me, there are two paths ahead: learn to be unnaturally louder for more visibility or stay true to yourself while others are seen more likely. All this may seem like I don’t appreciate extroverted exhibitionists. Quite the contrary, I – too – believe that you bring flavour to life. I understand why you turn heads, and I enjoy your company a lot. On a deeper, personal level, though, I sometimes feel left behind with my ways of showing off – or rather the lack of -, so I’ve been wondering whether my “performance” is worth less of an audience. Or am I just put on a challenge to let go of the need for feedback?
Do we need to be seen to live a wholesome life?
For the reason you’re reading this, I presume you use social media. Say, you stop using these online platforms. Stop sharing pictures, music, and thoughts. Now, imagine going to a family gathering and not speaking about yourself. Or meeting with friends and listening to others, asking questions while you’re not on the topic. Imagine doing your work, even doing it greatly and not letting anyone know about what you’ve done. You just put it out there so the results are beneficial for everyone, but you don’t brag, you don’t share, you don’t get the feedback either.
How does that kind of life seem to you? How does that kind of life feel to you?
I would say depressing. Even though I’m an artist and strongly believe not all art pieces should be shared. No art piece should be shared for the reason to give meaning to it. It should work the other way around: sharing should give meaning to the observer, regardless of the artwork’s worth.
Why don’t I feel the same way about life in general?
It might have to do something with the fact that we are humans and one of our basic needs is the sense of belonging, which requires not just openness to our surroundings but the vulnerable act of sharing ourselves so we know that our belonging is authentic, and we are strongly welcomed.
On the other hand, the meaning behind a life should not at all depend on the number of observers of it. (Only in quantum physics.) How unintentionally magical, this rule of life? Not easy to maintain either.
What does being seen mean in 2024?
The word “seen” has a new meaning with these shiny devices in our hands. It should have been only on paper – a.k.a. written on the screen – but somehow, quietly, it snuck in and destroyed the natural, grandiose meaning of “being seen”.
When you are truly seen it’s not when people are merely looking, or are looking over to you. Being seen is much more: it’s when they see you and watch you closely to understand. When people have a genuine interest in what you are. How you behave. Or dress. Or do your job…
Fakeness has always been out there, it wasn’t invented with the Internet, but it has become so much easier to keep phoney relationships up with the help of it. Those likes, even the comments, are mere seconds of people’s lives that we’re so desperately craving. How on earth would someone show true interest if it only lasts for a second?
And, more importantly, why do you crave that?
The misunderstanding is clear: we believe that having online interactions is equal to connectivity. It looks like it. Sometimes, it even feels like it. But it’s not the same. I don’t argue that many people get the respect they deserve through social media. It works for some. Even I spend some of my time on YouTube with my favourite YouTubers because I’m genuinely interested in what they have to teach. It’s not that it doesn’t work, it’s that it only works until the observer decides to close the window. And even when it works, it is not enough.
Counting your views or likes is not equal to how many people are interested in you. It’s not true visibility. Yet we crave it so hard that we put a lot of effort into showing up online. I don’t blame us for this. I blame the intentionally addictive advancements of big tech. It was all on purpose and actual people got us here.
But I’m sure you know the difference between posting an Instagram story about your day and getting a few responses versus sharing your day with a friend. Offline.
The same fake atmosphere can be caught offline in anyone’s life who has louder words than actions. Those who will step in your face to tell you about their achievements not necessarily asking about yours. We all act selfish sometimes, we all have to deal with ourselves sometimes in a way that may come off as selfish. But, unfortunately, the lack of real connection and not feeling seen can ignite grotesque feelings in our souls and deviate us from acting deliberately. So you may witness this “online behaviour” in offline surroundings as well.
Do we change the way we live?
Yes. A definite yes. If you’re too focused on the online presence and responses, you have to change. You have a hard task at hand: bring life offline as much as possible. Also, pay attention to the real side of your online duties and conversations.
The more we seek likes the more we turn apps into remote controls over our lives. Tech companies have a tendency to exploit us in that way. I don’t have that much naivety to believe that an article like this will change all that. Seeking online feedback is kind of woven into the younger generation’s DNA. But I truly hope that you, my dear reader, will benefit from what I have to say.
To participate in life, in real life, you have to start learning to be present. That includes acknowledging the fact that your life is revolved around you – speaking in a physical sense -, and that everybody else’s is revolved around them. In this space, with this rule, is absolutely natural that most of the time, you are alone in there. When your life meets and greets another one – let’s say you’re with a friend and talk about your lives -, there is the potential for true visibility. They can see you if they want to and you let them.
If you allow that to happen with more and more people, you will start to understand the power of human connections and the power of community, both of which can serve you an overall happy life.
The attention on this fabricated need for people to watch your story, on the other hand, will slowly start to dissolve and show up in its true form: the inhumane short-term painkiller that didn’t even start healing you.
So I say yes, we need visibility, in the sense that our instincts crave human connections. Our innate thirst to talk, to share, to show has to be fed and yes, a life that is truly seen will have a calming effect on its protagonist.
But no, it doesn’t mean that being seen is what makes up a life. Your life is not a review page, it’s an authentic experience that starts with you appreciating what’s happening. This authenticity will attract genuine observers and co-creators, should they be required.
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